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THE WORLD'S GORIEST BOARD GAME TM
   
     
PART 1: THE GENESIS OF THE AMPUTECH
   
   

...FROM THE MEDICAL JOURNAL OF DR. CALEB AHAZIAH KETCH; PH. D.; INVENTOR AND TEAM LEADER OF PROJECT: AMPUTECH AT CROWLEY UNIVERSITY (A SCHOOL DEVOTED TO NANO-TECHNOLOGY):

April 17th- CAUSE FOR CELEBRATION!!!
The years of research have finally paid off! I anesthetized Banjo and very carefully severed his tail. Then, unbelievably, I held the tail back to the stump within a hour of severing it, and the tissue rebonded itself! Banjo regained total control of his tail! After God knows how many years, the Amputech works! No, I still can’t cure fire damage- and the less said about decapitation, the better- but STILL! My discoveries will save THOUSANDS- of lives!

My administrator says that the Surgeon General is extremely fascinated with the Amputech. I guess the videodisc demonstrating the blood absorption through pores in the skin overwhelmed him. He promised an increase in funding, and the university will receive excellent government aid! Could a Nobel be in my future? I must remember to thank Banjo with a bigger cage and a shiny new wheel!

   

April 20th-
I knew this question was coming. The Surgeon General asked if the Amputech has been tested on human beings. Science notwithstanding; I’m not willing to maim anyone. What if there’s a side effect?

May 9th-
The Surgeon General contacted me again. He said that he knew of human test subjects. Apparently there were volunteers amassed at Death Row at Correctional Facility Alpha. That’s right- the most terrifying prison in the world. Madmen, murderers and even these weird monsters, all awaiting execution.

I guess they’ve got nothing to lose...

May 15th-
I met the Wardens of CFA today, and they just put me on edge. They all wore these silly black hoods- and I could swear I’ve heard some of their voices before, perhaps on cable news. Actually, this one man sounded just like the Secretary of Defense, back when I spoke to him over the phone about imbuing Amputech into soldiers. And one of the Wardens just… didn’t sound human.

I digress. The Wardens delivered numerous Death Row volunteers, willing to try out my Amputech. Or so they told me.

     

May 21st-
I am almost too infuriated to write! The Evil Wardens have gone ahead without me and tested the Amputech on not one, but THREE human subjects- all Death Row killers. They imbued each one with the ‘Tech and gave them all CHAINSAWS- and told them to “go at it!” They said that one of the “high points” of the melee was when one convict was able to graft another’s severed arm into his bloody stump, and use it like it were his own!

What in the hell have I become part of…?

May 27th-
I have heard the most profane news.

The Evil Wardens have informed me that the tortures of their inmates will now be televised! They took the video of the fighting convicts and showed it to network executives! Imbuing 95% of their inmates with the Amputech, the Wardens are forcing them into arena combat against each other! They’re granting a full, unmitigated government pardon to the victor- and the program will be called “AMPUTHEATRE.”

     

June 6th-
Ashamedly, I watched the first-ever telecast of AMPUTHEATRE this morning. I heard that much of the arena audience was comprised mostly of relatives of the competitors’ victims. Others were pure savages- gleefully tossing in weapons for the killers to use on each other!

I have procured a sample of blood from the corpse of one of the fallen. Analysis revealed that the Wardens had added a deadly neurotoxin to my original Amputech code. I assume that this is to keep the convicts obedient in the arena- but how is the neurotoxin removed from those that are released? Is gladiatorial combat all the Evil Wardens truly have in mind?

Ludricrous, I know- but what if the AMPUTHEATRE contests are nothing but testing grounds for a new breed of super-soldier- able to heal from formerly mortal wounds in seconds? With an army of these monsters, who knows WHAT the Evil Wardens could

[PASSAGE ENDS ABRUPTLY; REMAINING PAGES ARE BLANK AND SATURATED WITH BLOOD. KETCH'S WHEREABOUTS ARE UNKNOWN.]

     

 

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All photos and characters: Copyright 2006, 2009 by Gil Merritt. All rights reserved.